Enabled

I have a daughter who absolutely hates it when she is doing her schoolwork and comes to something she doesn’t know how to do. Of course she shouldn’t know how to do it because it is new and she has to learn it first. She begins to panic and have anxiety and I see her little mind shutting down with the worry. She loves to have the confidence she feels when she is doing something she’s done before because then she has an assurance that she did it once-she can do it again.

A few weeks ago, I was standing in my bathroom when I felt the nudge of the spirit tell me that I was, “Prone to Panic”. It has really stuck with me and I have talked with God about it several times, and what I’m learning is that I’m just like my little girl. I like to do the same things in life that I know I can do; things I’ve seen myself achieve in, things I feel confident about, yet God keeps calling me into uncharted territory, into seasons and callings that I haven’t walked before and it makes me feel uneasy, unsure, afraid. What if I can’t do this? I’ve heard myself many times pray this prayer: “I want a win, God! Just put me somewhere I feel successful.”   I’m not quite sure that is God’s priority. I’m learning it is about receiving, not achieving. When I am put in a new situation I cry out to God for the strength & wisdom I need and I receive from him what is needed. When I think I’ve got this, I tend to function on my own strength without much need of divine interference.

“For it is God who is working in you, enabling you both to desire and to work out His good purpose.” Phil 2:13  This verse is so soothing to someone who often panics that maybe she missed the boat and isn’t even headed where she is supposed to in life. God enables not only the ability I need to accomplish His purposes for my life, but he also provides the desire within me to want His purposes. This is rest for a worrisome soul that is always concerned she may not have gotten it right. I love to look up words in the dictionary just in case I missed any implication of all that God meant when He says He will enable me. The word “Enable” means to empower, to make possible, to provide the means for, to make able, to give the ability.

I love what 2 Thes. 1:11 says; it is a prayer, “asking God to enable you to live a life worthy of his call. May He give you the power to accomplish ALL the good things your faith prompts you to do.” The amplified translates the last part, “with power may complete in you every work of faith (faith which is that leaning of the whole human personality on God in absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom and goodness).”

I took all these truths with me on a walk and what came to mind was all the times in my life God has enabled me to do something I didn’t think I could, things I panicked over because there was a chance for failure in them. God enabled me to love and care for my mom when she was dying of cancer even though I still felt like a child myself at 20 years old. Then He enabled me to plan a funeral, pick out a coffin and headstone even though I’d only been to a few funerals in my entire life. He enabled me to figure out the finances, social security and life insurance, how to sell our house and how to function in life without a home base for a while. He enabled me to care for my 15 year old brother when I was barely out of my teens myself. He enabled me to teach middle-schoolers all day for 5 years even though I was quite sure they would outsmart me each day. He enabled me to care for a tiny baby we brought home crying from the hospital whose very survival was dependent on my abilty to nurture. He enabled me to mother three young children in the midst of constant fatigue from chemo & radiation treatments and several surgeries. He enabled me to leave a community I had known for 14 years with the dearest friends to follow Him to a new place. In each of these seasons I was panicked that I couldn’t do it because I didn’t know how, but in each one He met me with a strength not my own. In each of these seasons I didn’t achieve, I received what was needed for each moment, for each hour, for each season.

2015/09/04 at 12:57 am