Feeling Inadequate?
Empty. Dry. Out of gas. Ever been there? Ever been there spiritually speaking? Where you just don’t feel like you have anything of much worth to offer others? A few weeks ago I was at this empty cup place. When I get to this place I begin to look towards the next break. If I can only make it to ______ break then I can catch my breath and replenish. Ever do that? Keep running; keep pushing with the next break in mind? I had spring break in my mind that was the time when we had a break from school, ministry, events, and a slimmer sports schedule for our three kids. We were going to get out of town, enjoy nature, and attend my sister’s new church together as a family, read, pray, and get refreshed. Instead we spent a week sick, all five us, aching, chilling, sore throats, coughs, and fevers, and it wasn’t the little 24-hour bug it lasted and lasted. When we hurt physically for a period of time it begins to wear on us emotionally. I first learned this when I spent a year battling breast cancer, a year of ups and downs physically made for a year of ups and downs emotionally. So instead of spring break refilling my empty cup I entered this week feeling more depleted. A weekend with 7 sporting events, a memorial service for the sweetest couple who lost their only little girl, classes, mission team meeting, Monday’s teaching, practices, women’s ministry team meeting, birthday party, Tuesday’s teaching and meetings and more practices.
And during all of this running God is showing me needs that need to be met, people that need encouraged and checked in on, and giving me the opportunities to share His truth and love. What I tend to do when feeling empty is see the felt need He’s pointing out and then look to myself. My empty, incapable, weak self and say “I don’t think I can meet that need, God. You must have someone more spiritual in mind. Someone stronger, wiser, better with their words than me.” When I’m in that place of feeling so inadequate and He calls me, shows me where He wants me to serve or give, I panic. I get anxious because I turn my eyes to myself. I look to myself for the strength, wisdom and discernment I will need and I’m found wanting, inadequate at best.
The problem is that I look to the wrong place. I look within instead of up. “I lift my eyes up…where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord the Maker of heaven and earth.” (Ps 121:1-2). I’m pretty sure if God can create the entire earth, He can help me find the right encouragement.
“Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; their faces are never covered with shame...Fear the Lord, you his holy people, for those who fear Him lack nothing…The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit.” (Ps 34:5, 9, 18) When I see the need and I look to him instead of within, I lack nothing. I have all that I need to encourage and comfort in spite of the weakness I might feel. I must stop deciding whether I’ll answer the call based on how strong I feel and answer it because of how strong He is. I must stop shrinking back because of feeling inadequate, and trust that He lives in me and He is fully adequate. Of all the many things the apostle Paul could of boasted about he chose to boast in his weakness claiming, “when I am weak He is strong.” (2 Cor. 12:10b)
In 1Kings 17:7-16, there is a fascinating story about a widow God called upon to feed his prophet Elijah in the midst of a drought. When the prophet came to her and asked for bread, she said she had only a little flour and oil left and she was just gathering sticks to make her and her son their last meal. Elijah told her that if she gave the little she had, God would make sure she never ran out. That’s what she did she baked bread for him first and then fed herself, and she did this over and over again. “So there was food everyday for Elijah and the woman and her family for the jar of flour was not used up and the jug of oil did not run dry.” (1kings17:15). Too often when we feel empty, we decide we will serve again when we feel full, but if God calls us to serve with the little we have left, just like the widow, He’ll keep replenishing us, feeding our souls and others.
2017/03/30 at 9:18 pm