Patient with our Impatience
“Do you want mayo?” No response. Three children and not a single one answered me. “Do you want a slice of ham?” No response. Why did I bother asking a new questions when the old one was still hanging out there? They’re poking around on their i-pads and I’ve just come from grocery shopping. It’s ten until 2:00, I’m “hangry”, I’m serving them by making their lunch and I don’t even get the common decency of a response.
“I said, Do you want MAYO?” teeth clinched, face slightly red, may or may not have been breathing fire.
She replies back, “Why are you so angry mom?”
Seriously?
“I’m not angry.” Trying to play it cool.
“Then why do you sound so frustrated?” she asks, putting me in my place.
It’s been five days since this little interaction and I realized yesterday that I was still feeling guilt over it. I was sharing with my husband yesterday that I needed to be more patient and not so easily frustrated with the kids all the time. He acted surprised I felt that way, and said I didn’t act impatient with them all the time, in fact he said I rarely acted frustrated with them. Are we on the same planet? I’ve been feeling terrible that the one thing I want to be really good at (Mothering) I keep screwing up. I want to talk sweet to my kids, “darling, sweetie would you like 1 or 2 slices of ham on your grilled cheese?” I want them to remember me as kind, gentle, and a safe place so that when they are grown they’ll come back.
I heard me dear friend say the same thing just a few days ago that she felt like she was failing and a terrible mother. Her husband, hearing her say this, had the same shocked expression my husband had, as he told her she was an amazing mom.
Do all mother’s feel this way? Do we feel guilt over every act of impatience? Are we all sad and guilty over our slip ups? The truth is we all have them. We all get tired or hungry. We all have days when we are mentally preoccupied with life’s other problems. When our brains are full of processing interactions and solutions and in the midst of us almost having it figured out a fight breaks out, a drink is spilled, or someone comes to tattle, and that’s when our impatience spills over.
We go to bed feeling like failures, like we’ve blown it again and that we’re never going to be the mothers we want to be. As we lay there repeating mental reprimands to ourselves, the enemy has us just where he wants us. Beating ourselves up over our mistakes doesn’t fix our impatience. In fact the stress and anxiety we feel when we are down on ourselves only intensifies the possibility of another mental overload spilling out into impatience towards those we love.
There’s another way. When we are upset with our own impatience we can go to the One who is always patient. Instead of trudging through with the weight of guilt that we are failing with the precious ones he entrusted to us, let’s embrace the patience of his grace. In his grace we find the forgiveness and the strength we need to keep our chin up. He’s the perfect parent. He never gets tired or weary because “he never slumbers or sleeps” (PS 121:4). He never gets “hangry” because he’s self-sufficient and has all power at all times. He is never too preoccupied, distracted, or busy to make time to bend his ear to our need.
Because He is perfect, He is patient with our imperfect!
“We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need.”(Col 1:11). In order for us to receive the power to be patient we must go to God seeking his strength and power but when we are fed up with our own sinful impatience it is often the last thing we do. In our guilt over our impatient mess-ups and outbursts we sulk in our own self-bitterness and guilt. Guilt makes us hide. Grace makes us run. Guilt makes us quit. Why bother if we are never going to get it right? Grace gives us endurance. It enables us to get up, ask forgiveness, and love again.
“This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses (isn’t that relieving), for he faced all the same testings we do (even impatience), YET he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.”
I don’t know when you need grace to help you the most, but for me it is when my best intentions still fall short, when I fail with those I love the most. I don’t know who you are most impatient with: the terrible driver in front of you, the slow cashier at the grocery store, the co-worker who won’t be quiet, the spouse who never picks up their dirty towels, but I do know God is patient with our impatience, he understands our weakness and will give us the grace, strength and power to change.
2016/08/09 at 7:10 pm